The Last To Go
by thepurplewriter333
Summary: Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Thus, Hiccup proves this to be true. One-shot.


**Not sure where this came from, guys. Just don't kill me.**

 ***hides behind desk as readers prepare their pitchforks***

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 _"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." -Norman Cousins_

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The elderly man pushed himself up from the old faded blue chair and steadied himself with his walking stick. When he glanced down at the chair, the impression of his behind was melted into the cushion. He could hardly believe that the old chair was the same chair of his youth. How long had that same piece of furniture sat in the exact spot, thirty or thirty-five years, possibly more?

His eyes wandered across the room to the ancient leather chair and then slowly took in every stick of furniture in the large open rooms that had since his childhood, been his home. Almost nothing had changed, it had remained as it was when he first went away a few months back, to gather at a retired Chief's meeting, far from the island where he had grown up and found himself as a man. How so much had changed since then.

Leaning heavily on his walking stick, Hiccup slowly turned until he stood at the bottom of the long staircase. Almost lovingly, his wrinkled and twisted fingers stroked the post and then the railing.

He could remember being young, no more than ten when he had made his first excited ascent up these very steps. His father had watched with pride as he climbed upward, trying in his boyish manner to make two steps at a time, but his little legs had barely been long enough and by the time he'd gotten to the landing, he had given up trying to master the feat. That accomplishment had come the next year, after his father had told him he'd grown nearly a foot since before.

Now, standing at the bottom of the stairs, he wondered when the last time had been, since he had seen the upstairs rooms. Having been in ill health for the last couple of years, he'd given up using his old room and had retired most of his belongings to downstairs.

He hadn't much cared for the idea, but with the illness getting so much worse and his old bones becoming frail, the healer had recommended that he avoid the stairs, least he fall and fracture a bone. Healer Ira, daughter of his longtime good friend Fishlegs Ingerman, had explained that if he were to become bedridden, he would chance pneumonia and in this stage of his life, it could be most damaging to his health and could result in death. So Hiccup had stayed away, until today.

Today, he had promised himself, he would take the chance, for a deep yearning had beckoned to him from above. Hiccup glanced upward, it would take some time for him to climb the many stairs, but he willed himself to go. By the time that he had reached the landing, the old man was gasping for air to fill his burning lungs. He leaned wearily against the railing; his eyes set on the utmost step.

Over and over he whispered, his voice raspy with age, "I can do this, I can do this," he uttered as he stepped beyond the final step.

His wrinkled face formed a smile. Where once dimples deepened his cheeks, now weather worn lines hid the impressions that had once made his handsome face so pleasing to look upon. Cautiously he made his way down the long hall, stopping at the first door on his right.

With one hand on the curve of his cane and the other on the doorknob, Hiccup gave a little turn and pushed opened the door. The room was dark, with only a sliver of light trying to peep from behind the closed curtains. Being careful not to trip over his own cane, Hiccup limped over to the opposite wall and tugged on the drapes until they parted enough that the sun could light the room well enough that he might see.

Unexpectedly, his heart fluttered and rose in beats as his eyes swept the room. He felt the onrush of tears as old memories came creeping back to him. He slowly walked to the bed, where in his mind he saw the face of his wife, her brow dotted with beads of moisture as she bore him his first child… how proud he had been of her… and of his new son, Stoick, named after his father, who had just been born.

His hand wiped at his eyes. That had been another lifetime ago, and Astrid had lived on since then, sharing two more children with the happy family.

Hiccup turned, and his eyes cleared as he smiled at the picture of him dozens of years ago, painted as a buff man, that still hung in the back corner wall of Astrid's and his room. He'd always hated that particular picture what with its fake form of himself, but Astrid had liked it. Hiccup had laughed, and allowed it to stay.

The memory refreshed his own tears. Those days had been filled with such adventure and there had been always somewhere knew to explore… something new to do… someone knew to meet...

But soon life took on a routine, and before he knew it, the little boy had become a man. The rough edges had smoothed, the recklessness had given way to caution and thoughtfulness, and quickly after, Hiccup had become his father's right hand man. Hiccup was pleased, for he had always loved Stoick and constantly yearned to help him out with whatever he could.

But after his father had been killed accidentally by Toothless, all those feelings were swept away and all he knew was grief for a long time. Time passed, although, and he moved on, thanks to Toothless, his mother, and Astrid.

Hiccup's head dropped and his body trembled slightly as he recalled the Terror Mail he'd received from Berk just two months ago, informing him of his wife's untimely death while he was away on Beserker Island. Hiccup had been too far from home, too far to get back in time to say goodbye to the woman whom he had loved his whole life. It was with great sadness that Astrid had died alone without him. A whole slew of friends had gathered around- or what remained of them-, but the thoughts of her parting without Hiccup's presence left a hollow and guilt-ridden feeling deep within his heart, causing him to have trouble breathing at times.

It seemed like yesterday to Hiccup as he stood in Astrid and his bedroom doorway, a new room that had been added just after they had been newly wed. But Astrid was gone now… those times were over. Hiccup pinched his lips together and gave the room one final anguished sweep with his eyes.

It was as if Astrid stood before him, laughing and smiling at him, chiding her husband that the house needed re-decorating before their first child came. Hiccup closed the door, the memory of Astrid's harmonious laugh still resounding in his ear and through the halls.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Hiccup made his way slowly across the hall and stopped. His mother and father's room stood just before him. The door creaked slightly as he pushed it forward. The drapes in this room were opened wide and the sun cast a warm and inviting glow throughout the room. The first thing that caught Hiccup's attention was the massive sized bed, originally made just for Stoick and Valka until only Valka remained.

Hiccup couldn't help himself, he just had to sit down on the soft mattress. And when he did, it was as if his mother had sat down next to him, holding him in her arms and whispering soothing things into his ear. He could feel and sense her spirit as a gentle peace, much like the woman herself, settled within the room.

Little dragon stuffed animals, tiny music boxes, a beautiful dragon beside her all flooded his mind. Hiccup shut his eyes, It all came charging back at him in full force. Dangerous rescue missions for dragons, adventurous flights to islands practically never seen before, all led by his mother. Hiccup laughed; one thing was certain, life had never been dull with Valka around.

She still had been kind and loving, compassionate, yet hardcore and strong, a force to be reckoned with when angered. His mother… oh, how he missed her.

His mother, dying without warning only twenty years before... her death had almost been the undoing of his family. The hole her leaving had left in their hearts had taken so long to heal, and even now, Hiccup wondered if they had all ever really gotten over the death of such a warm, wonderful woman.

The hour had passed swiftly as Hiccup stood to his feet and grasped the wall for support. His aged old bones had begun to ache, the pain matching the grief he felt in his heart as he looked around once more.

His eyes filled with tears, and no matter how hard he willed himself to be strong, the tiny droplets rolled slowly down the sides of his face. His father's face loomed before him and once again, Hiccup felt as if he were a young man again.

When he looked up, he felt the warmth he saw in the deep green eyes that he envisioned smiling back at him. They were the same eyes that had danced with laughter, smiled with pride and cried tears of joy and unhappiness that he remembered from the days of his youth and had haunted his dreams years later when he had become a man.

Stoick Haddock, his father, his mentor, his idol, had been the inspiration that fueled the flame that drove him to be the best possible man he could be. But yet, standing as he was now, in his father and mother's room, Hiccup questioned himself as to whether or not he had fully achieved everything that he had striven to become.

Somehow he doubted that his father would think otherwise, for Stock had always been proud of his son, and had never failed to tell him so. Whether Hiccup lived another world away or was right beside him, Stoick had always been proud of him.

Hiccup remembered the day when he had finally gotten the courage to tell his father that he was leaving for the Great Beyond. The news had clearly shocked Stoick, but it had been expected, he had said. Masking his own disappointments and fears for his son's life, Stoick had given him his blessings and sent him on his way.

"It won't be long now, Dad, until we're all together once again," whispered Hiccup as he backed slowly from the room. He paused in the doorway and smiled, then closed the door.

The last door stood slightly ajar, as if beckoning for him to enter the room. Without hesitation, Hiccup entered, and then paused. It was all there… his books, his desk, his sketches, even bits of his maps still spread across the top of his dresser.

At the foot of the bed, Hiccup picked up an old, furry vest and held it up to the light. It had faded with time, but there was no question, the original color had once been brown. He was surprised to hear the sound of his voice, for he had been unaware that he laughed out loud.

"I wonder what kind of a statement I was trying to make, back then?" he asked himself aloud. "To be the cool kid, or just the contrary?"

Hiccup flinched, and rubbed his chest. The pain had grown worse. The vest was tossed aside as Hiccup sat down on the edge of the bed to rest and to collect his thoughts. The memories had stirred a longing in his heart that he had not anticipated, and he suddenly felt lonely in a world where life had been, at times, hard and demanding.

But with the memories, the emptiness had seemed to expand and swallow him up. For all the years that he had wasted wandering the world, seeking peace within his soul, he had finally found what he had been searching for. It really hadn't come as a shock to Hiccup, to admit to himself that here, in the home of his youth, he was most contented to be, most free from life's cruel rewards. The wonder of Berk and all that it involved had been his ultimate destination and that the end of the road had also been his beginning. It was something to be in awe of.

Hiccup stretched out on his old bed, making himself comfortable. He felt tired, and felt the need to close his eyes, just for a moment, he reasoned, until he was rested enough to make his way back, the way he had come. The warmth of the room lured him to sleep within minutes of closing his eyes.

Back, the way he had come.

The thought lingered in his mind, sending his spirit soaring. He felt weightless, as if he were floating and the sensation was most welcoming. The nagging pain he'd been suffering in his limbs seemed so much less now than earlier, indeed, he could say that it was no longer present.

His hands, when he looked down at his fingers, appeared normal rather than arthritic, and he flexed them over and over again until he was sure that the knotted pain in the knuckles was non-existent. Hiccup straightened himself up, surprised that his back had stopped hurting and the hip that he had broken ten years earlier now moved with ease when he tried to walk.

He stood silently, listening to the strange sounds around him. Off to his left he heard the gentle flutter of what he supposed were birds, but a second glance told him he was wrong, though he recognized the sound for what it was, he was unable to determine exactly what was making the noise.

A movement to his right drew his musings from the subject of heavenly beings. He was amazed at what he saw, and he stared opened-eyed at the three lone figures that were approaching him. His old heart thumped wildly and his breathing became erratic as he gasped for air. His father, in his prime, his mother, looking fit, and Astrid... as he had always pictured the beautiful young woman to be, now stood before him.

"Welcome home, son," his father said in his deep voice that Hiccup still remembered so well.

"Dad?" Hiccup's lips formed the words as he pushed them outward from deep within his throat. His voice was no longer raspy, his words more distinct.

"Who were you expecting to meet you, son?" Stoick laughed. "We told you we'd wait here for you."

"Are you ready to leave now?" Valka questioned.

"The dragons are over there, Hiccup. Toothless's all saddled and waiting for you," Astrid informed him, pointing off into the distance.

Hiccup could hardly believe it. Toothless, his best friend. Toothless, the one who had made this all possible. Toothless… the dragon that had been killed in a war years ago… he thought he would never see his beloved bud again.

"There's going to be a big feast soon, with lots of good food, and wine, to celebrate your arrival," Stoick informed his son.

"Yeah, and everyone's counting on seeing you. Fishlegs, Tuffnut, Ruffnut, Snotlout, and even Heather and Dagur. They're all there, Hiccup. And you'll never guess what else is waiting," Astrid smiled.

"What?" Hiccup asked, not sure if he ever wanted to wake up from this dream that had brought his most loved ones home to him.

"We cannot tell you, but we will show you," Valka said warmly. "I believe you will like it."

"Alright, I suppose I'm ready," Hiccup determined after a moment of indecision.

What did he have to lose? He was tired and sick and more than anything else in the whole world, he was lonesome for his family and friends. As he gazed up into the faces of his loved ones, he knew he had made the right decision. His children on Berk could manage alone.

For him... it was time to go home.

"Alright, it's settled, let's get the dragons, and then let's ride!" shouted Stoick

The powdery white flakes stirred up by the dragons' claws floated softly down as the foursome climbed onto their winged friends.

"I missed you, bud," Hiccup whispered into Toothless's happily twitching ear. "I missed you beyond words." Toothless roared in delight, and once more flapped his pink tongue out, making Hiccup laugh aloud. "Some things never change, huh, buddy?"

And he leaned back, finally at peace, as they took off into the clouds… into another world… and into eternity.


End file.
